December 2011
1 post
Merry Christmas!
November 2011
3 posts
Dinner with Peter Molyneux
(This was a thing I wrote for a thing, but the legal team wouldn’t touch it with a stick. In light of the disappearance of @PeterMolydeux, it seemed only right to put it up somewhere.)
Stepping into Peter Molyneux’s rustic home in rural Guildford, we’re immediately greeted by his wife, children, and large collection of realistic dogs. Directing me through to his private study for a chance...
How to Lose Friends and Alienate Paste
When your brand identity gets hijacked by an online stranger, it’s natural that the first reaction will be panic. How you handle things afterwards however, needs to be level-headed. It seems that after a remarkably fast rise to fame, Shippam’s have decided to suspend the hilarious – yet unofficial – Twitter account @ShippamsPaste. Tweets are saved here for fishy-posterity, and you can...
SHAMELESS PIMPING →
Hello, you! Quite a lot of people started following my Tumblr recently, but I’m afraid I’ve got a confession to make: I don’t actually use it all that often.
I’d like to, but working in the office full-time as a writer means I usually don’t have the patience to start tapping away at home. Having said that, I still manage to keep myself busy with a variety of...
October 2011
2 posts
HELP WE'RE IN GRAINGE DANGER (That's a pun)
After being repeatedly asked what it was that actually transpired at last night’s Gaming Media Awards, I figured it would be easiest to simply whack it up here.
Grainger Games - a retail company mainly based in the North of England – decided they fancied the idea of getting closer to the country’s gaming media, and plumped up the cash to become this year’s main sponsors for the annual awards....
Apple: It's a trap.
The worst thing about buying an iPhone, was that I already knew what I was getting myself into. After years of bravely trying to save the MP3 player from its unavoidable demise, I was well aware of just how forceful Apple’s push for dominance could often seem to be. iTunes doesn’t want to help you organise your music collection – it wants you to convert the entire thing into it’s own special...
August 2011
2 posts
HOW TO TAKE THE PISS OUT OF THE DAILY TELEGRAPH
Rosie Millard’s 10 fail-safe tips to help your child settle in at university is very good, but I thought it might be easier to read if it was a little more concise. With this in mind, I’ve boiled the 10 points down to their nitty-gritty core:
1. Pack a trunk
Suitcases are for peons. It’s vital that you fill this quaint container with a wide variety of priceless curios to dot...
July 2011
1 post
June 2011
3 posts
The difference between a hot topic, and a...
A lot of people struggle to identifying the difference between a hot topic, and a controversial one. Don’t panic - I’ve got this one covered.
This is a controversial topic. Bear in mind though, it might not always be racist. Perhaps it’s questioning the importance of the elderly, or describing charity workers as ‘a bunch of twats’? Keep your eyes open for...
TIDY YOUR ROOM
I’m trying to clean my room, but I can’t seem to stop fucking around on my PC. In light of this, I thought I’d write a diary of the process as a stark reminder of just how long it takes me to do anything of worth with my time.
12:51 - Taking time-wasting to the next level, I sit down and begin a process of engineered procrastination. I’m going to start in the left corner...
May 2011
3 posts
Noir Review
It’s very rare these days to discover many biscuits that aren’t controversial - but I particularly struggled when facing this product in particular. Traditionally a medium dominated by chocolate, the developers here have a made a brave decision to place the main emphasis of this biscuit on coffee - a choice that will no doubt leave consumer opinions vastly divided.
Personally...
PAY FOR SPOTIFY
I couldn’t quite fit this into a tweet - so I’m writing it here: If you use and like Spotify, then you should pay for it.
It’s undeniably weird even having to write those words. Go back in time a few years, and I doubt you’d have anyone up in arms at the concept of having to pay for a luxury service. I’m aware however, that times have changed. People don’t...
April 2011
3 posts
REVIEW: April 18th's edition of The Sun
Rupert Murdoch sells 3 million copies of The Sun every day. Whilst this might not make him quite as popular as Simon Cowell, you don’t tend to see the latter spreading much racial unrest and political bile.
Joylessly flipping through April 18th’s edition of the tabloid is exhaustingly unpleasant. The first few pages consist mainly of small colourful boxouts; a gaudy mosaic of misinformation...
Buy this game called Drop 7, yeah?
Alright, so I’m going to recommend an iPhone game to you. Hardly original, I’m aware. In fact, a recent study found that approximately 50% of all human communication is solely for the purpose of recommending new iPhone apps. But just shut up and listen, because this is a really really good one.
It’s a stylish little game called Drop7 – and it’s utterly wonderful. The premise is simple enough;...
Source Code - Alternative Theory
WARNING - SPOILERS!
If you’ve seen the film, check out my interpretation of the ending after the break.
Righto - so the ending of Source Code was a bit bonkers. Admittedly, the premise itself isn’t exactly bread and butter stuff - but the concept of entirely new realities being created each time they use the Source Code technology? Bonkers.
A bit too much, n’all - which is...
January 2011
1 post
Top 3 Shit Things - 2010
HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Or at least it might be, once the alcohol-induced misery decides to give it a fucking rest. So then, that was 2010. Overall it was probably pretty good, but I’m far too hungover to offer any further optimism on the matter. So, without further ado:
The Black Eyed Peas - ‘The Time’
According to Spotify, The Black Eyed Peas “transcended hip-hop to become...
December 2010
1 post
September 2010
5 posts
2 tags
3 reasons you should give Barclay's Bikes a pop
Alright, so technically I’ve already reviewed Barclay’s Cycle Hire - but I just thought I’d give you slightly more sane update on how I’m getting on. To be honest, considering how infrequent my blog updates lately I thought I should probably just say something to let you know that i’m not smeared under a lorry somewhere: A gooey blend of man meets brioche.
Alright, so as my early...
August 2010
5 posts
IT'S BUSINESS TIME.
Alright, time to let you in on some serious INDUSTRY SECRETS:
I work in International PR, right? So what does that really mean on a day to day basis, other than the fact that I’ll struggle to explain what my job entails without using terms like ‘strategy’ and ‘communucations’ and coming across as an absolute wanker? I’ll tell you what else it means - it means...
July 2010
12 posts
4 tags
ONE IN THE BANK
Righto, chaps. I know I’m not terribly famous for holding back unwanted details - but this is the only real content warning you’re ever likely to get. If you want to be 100% sure you’ll be able to look me square in the eye without feeling mildly uncomfortable from this day onwards, feel free to skip this post.
As for everyone else - I’ll expect a seductive wink and a...
4 tags
WHO THE FUCK IS THIS MAN?
I found this photo in the deep dark depths of one of my archived folders, suggesting that AT SOME POINT IN HISTORY this picture was on my PC desktop for some entirely unknown reason. Since this discovery, this image has now been prominently placed on my PC desktop once again, until I can work out how the devil it got there in the first place, and who the hell this...
1 tag
A picture paints a thousand words
To be specific:
YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES...
4 tags
IT'S BASICALLY JUST CHEESE, ISN'T IT.
Having previously been a fondue virgin, I was quite excited by the prospect of bathing a selection of carbohydrate-related items into a pool of molten cheese for an evening. As you can imagine, my anticipation levels hit terminal-fucking-velocity when I discovered that the website for the place we were going to eat at LOOKED LIKE THIS (headphones HEAVILY recommended).
After the initial ten...
4 tags
5 tags
Loan Extension Request
FROM: Matt Lees (Matt@X.com)
TO: Harold Pontefract (Harold.Pontefract@Natwest.com)
SUBJECT: Extended Loan Request
Hi Harry,
Just wanted to drop you a line to thank you again for pushing the recent loan through - things are going fantastically at our headquarters, and after the unfortunate sudden loss of support from our overseas investors this has helped us to maintain the levels of monthly...
6 tags
5 tags
Don't trust the meat men.
I’ve got a bone to pick with ‘Butcher’s Choice’ sausages. Usually fragments of the stuff out of my teeth, actually.
To be fair, I’m a terrible sausage snob most of the time - but recently I’ve picked up a couple of packs of Butcher’s choice on offer, only to find myself pretty confused as to how they’ve earnt this status exactly.
First up - why...
5 tags
Life Change Nutters: A Beginner's Guide
For the last 3 or 4 years, I’ve helped my dad out on the odd weekend here and there when he’s speaking at a show in London. These shows usually focus quite generally on life change, and are uniformly hosted in massive buildings in awkward West-London locations. Playing host to hundreds of stalls and stands to visit, it’s safe to say the content is varied; and whilst the advice my dad offers...
June 2010
1 post
April 2010
3 posts
Flip Flop
I know topical isn’t exactly my usual style, but I felt that considering the illustrated ramble I posted last month relating to the upcoming election (in addition to the slightly less coherent election song I bashed out after a couple of whiskies weeks later) I couldn’t miss the opportunity to follow up on just how brilliantly wrong I turned out to be.
Having said that, after the...
Election Song 2010.
March 2010
10 posts
TELL ME WHERE YOU ARE
In the hyperhiphop age of cross-platform media-integrated geo-tagging and other such things that sound impressive yet don’t really mean anything or make sense, I naturally find myself near constantly engaged in technoblabber dialogue with devices like my trusty iPhone.
“Integrate with Twitter?”
Sure, why not.
“Create an online account?”
Later, perhaps.
“Sync contact details from Facebook?”
...
Dessert Spoon Choons
Hello you!
I’ve just begun playing a game with my friend that’s called ‘Dessert Spoon Choons’. I don’t understand what the rules are, but apparently I can win ‘A Gold Cup and a tabloid scandal’ - an offer that can hardly be refused.
The game involves having to choose and submit to each other our EIGHT favourite songs EVER. It’s a frankly impossible...
Cannot be found
Back when I was at college - and very much into my conceptual art - I created a piece of work based on the digital storage of media. The idea was simple: digital media is fragile, inert, and forgettable. If you were to venture up into a loft and find a collection of old dusty books five years from now, you’d most likely immediately open them up to see what they were. If you found a couple of...
The Science of Socks
Whilst hanging out my washing today, I couldn’t help but notice that approximately 90% of my laundry now consists of socks. I haven’t counted how many pairs I currently own, but the figure roughly stands at around the ‘lots’ mark. Being a 21st century jet-setter go-getter type, I naturally often find myself buying cheap socks in Tescos to avoid having to do laundry - a...