HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Or at least it might be, once the alcohol-induced misery decides to give it a fucking rest. So then, that was 2010. Overall it was probably pretty good, but I’m far too hungover to offer any further optimism on the matter. So, without further ado:
The Black Eyed Peas - ‘The Time’
According to Spotify, The Black Eyed Peas “transcended hip-hop to become one of the most commercially successful pop groups of the 2000s”. Or in other words, they’ve been shit now for at least a decade. Still, It’s only natural to run into problems after you decide that ‘a woman’s bottom’ is an acceptable front-man for your band.
Not content with merely cranking out middle-of-the-road-popshite however, T’BEPs really pushed the boat out this year by releasing a song that was so awful that it even managed to alienate people who had no discernible taste in the first place, calling for many to argue that the band “Should be burned in a fire”.
The Conservative Party
After briefly pondering whether or not the never-ending game of Red Vs. Blue might be in for a shake-up, we then ended up getting shafted from both sides by a murky political entity run by posh men who look like playmobil children.
A bit like going to the toilet during a game of Monopoly and coming back to find that George Osborne has eaten all the Community Chest cards and sold your children, the party turned out to be little more than a selection of lies, misery, and cocktail sausages. Due to a horrific accident during the polling process, it later turned out that some of the people who were allowed to vote in the 2010 election were in fact ‘cunts’.
Glee
Billed as a quirky alternative for those who hate awful High School Musical style shows, glee was an awful High School Musical style show. Managing to churn out an array of questionably chiseled rejects, the show threw social preconceptions out of the window; embracing geek culture for what it is, whilst only occasionally making jokes about the guy who can’t walk BECAUSE HE’S IN A WHEELCHAIR LOL.
Quickly achieving the kind of brand status that Simon Cowell eats for breakfast, glee’s quirky brand of auto-tune was simultaneously smothered across TV and radio, clearly branding their cheery little faces onto your psyche’s pencil case.
Primarily aimed at people who claim to watch the X-factor ‘ironically’, the show was hugely popular with anyone who was never that popular when they were at school, but have subsequently grown up to be fairly unotable people.
Also, there were some natural disasters with wind and water and oil and stuff, and a woman even put a cat in a bin!!!
