I’ve got a bone to pick with ‘Butcher’s Choice’ sausages. Usually fragments of the stuff out of my teeth, actually.

To be fair, I’m a terrible sausage snob most of the time - but recently I’ve picked up a couple of packs of Butcher’s choice on offer, only to find myself pretty confused as to how they’ve earnt this status exactly.

First up - why are Butchers supposed to be so fucking trustworthy, anyway? I mean essentially they’re the guys selling the meat to the supermarkets, and by default selling them to you. You wouldn’t expect an honest review of a house from an estate agent, so why place so much trust in these meat hawking chancers in the first place?

Secondly, even if these sausages genuinely are the sausages that the butcher himself has chosen - why are they in the shops? Didn’t the butcher want them anymore? WHAT MADE HIM CHANGE HIS MIND?

Does he regularly overestimate the number of sausages he can reasonably hope to eat himself? Every week the same cycle, as he begrudgingly decides to sell his personal quota of prime meaty treats, confused about just how vastly he’s once again managed to over-estimate his personal requirements.

Thirdly - if this is the case - it can’t be denied that even these sausages are effectively still rejects, in a way. They were fucking close, mind you - but at the end of the day, the Butcher could only choose so many sausages before shipping the rest of them off to the supermarket. What’s he got in his fridge? I’ll tell you what he’s got in his fridge: Butcher’s Choice sausages.

So here’s the deal, guys: I don’t give a shit about your fist-pumping eco-cred micro-ads, thanks. Crack the night vision goggles out, break into his fucking house, and get me those sausages.